Working Man

Today was my first day back at work at WBUR and as far as Monday mornings go it was pretty easy. I was telling people that once normal gets taken away from you, the day to day grind takes on a whole new appeal. I took two months off, so I've missed a few things which were all detailed in the various Boston newspapers. Despite the drama I like my job and I work with smart people and it's good to be back. It is a bit of a germ pit though so I am looking forward to having my immune system back at full strength.

On the all important health front, this week I start to find out how effective the chemotherapy has been. I have a catscan on Thursday 12/2 and the hope is that the doctors will take one look at the pictures and have a definitive answer for me. "Go home! You're cured!" However I've learned that it usually doesn't work that way. Instead it takes time and one test leads to another and an answer develops over a few weeks. So I don't expect to know anything right away. In the scan the doctors will be looking at the cancerous lymph node near my kidney and the two spots on my lung to see how they have responded to the chemo. It's possible that everything will be gone and I'm done for now. It's possible that the lymph node has been reduced to a nub that will need to be surgically removed. It's possible that I need more serious surgery. It's possible that I'll need more chemo. There are a wide range of possibilities none of which are worth worrying about until I have more information.

Something I have learned from Sheela is to only worry about what is real and to let the other stuff live in the distance. It's tricky because you can't ignore the other stuff or else you'll be in denial and get yourself in trouble when you need to be paying attention. I'm working towards the grasshopper full awareness/no anxiety mindset. Once I have that one fully figured out I'll invite everybody to a mountaintop and we'll have a party.

Happy Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for this year that I need to make a list. It's all feel good, so if you need a little spice before the sugar, check out William Burroughs' Thanksgiving Prayer. Try that one out on the family before digging into the turkey! For my own benediction, I've got happy thoughts.

1) Sheela. I get all the attention and she does all the work of keeping things going. Without her I would be sitting in a dirty apartment with no idea of how to approach the difficult parts of life. Instead I have a partner and we're taking on our challenges together.

2) Friends and family. All the notes of warm thoughts and rides and little gifts that have been pouring in go a long way towards keeping my spirits up. I have soaked up the white light and have used that energy to keep my thoughts focused.

3) Modern science and medicine. Before platinum chemotherapy for testicular cancer was discovered in the 1970s, the survival rate was 10%. These days it is above 95%. The good folks at Dana Farber are taking good care of me and I'm thankful for that too.

4) An easy third cycle. It was as gentle as I could have hoped for. I had learned more about how to use the anti-nausea medication and the acupuncture definitely helped, but the luck of the draw had something to do with it. I've been eating lots and in good spirits all week.

5) I get to return to normal soon. I plan on leaving my life of watching Columbo reruns and going back to work on Monday 11/29. My immune system is crawling back so I'm starting to go outside more. I've even got tickets to see the Pixies when they come to Lowell. I give thanks for good rock band reunions too.

December will be a month of tests where I find out how successful the treatments have been so far. There is always the possibility of another chemo cycle or follow-up surgery, but at this point there is no way to know so there is no sense worrying about it. My blood tests point to remission, so that is where my head is at.

In the meantime, enjoy some turkey and know that I'm thankful for having all of you in my life.

Looking Good

From Sheela:

There's little to report this week; the last five days of infusions have been rather routine. But this is very good. It seems like the combination of therapies have worked their magic during cycle three. Increased amounts of saline for hydration, intravenous feeds of anti-nausea medications and, of course, the ancient Chinese practice of acupuncture made this experience much more manageable. Jon's slept more peacefully, ate more steadily and, well, let's just say the stool softener is working, too. This is like a trifecta in the chemo world. He's still rundown, but all in all the third cycle is going as well as we'd hoped.

The most noteable moment of the week happened on our way home from the hospital. If you recall from an earlier blog entry, Jon and I tried to rescue a turtle that was crossing a highway onramp. The turtle didn't make it. Last night on the way home we saw a rabbit running across the onramp. He made it; we think the speed helps. We'll keep our eyes out for chickens crossing the road, or maybe even some turkeys.

What's ahead now are two shorter infusions, on Thursday 11/18 and Wednesday 11/24 and then tests and tests and tests to find out what exactly has happened. On the whole, it's looking good.

Needles and Pins

Leading up to my third and presumably final cycle of chemotherapy, I've turned to alternative medicine to help me prepare. No, not marijuana, instead I'm experimenting with acupuncture.

The second cycle was quite rough an I must admit that the third round has had me a bit intimidated. The fact of the matter is that there is no way to know if it will be easier, tougher, or the same; the only way to find out is to do it. Sheela has encouraged me to be postive and assume it will be better, but I've been having trouble getting there. Enter the needles. You can see three of them in my head below.



Dana Farber hosts the Zakim Center for Integrated Therapies, founded by civil rights leader Lenny Zakim before he died of bone cancer at age 46. The center offers several different treatments to help people cope with the stresses to mind and body that come with fighting cancer. Acupuncture in particular is an ancient Chinese practice in which needles are used to assist the flow of energy through the body's channels. A session involves lying down on a table and a doctor placing about twenty needles on my head, feet, arms, and stomach. The needles don't hurt, in fact I can barely feel them as they are placed. Then the lights go low and I am left to meditate for about a half hour.

I've chosen not to be skeptical about acupuncture, instead I'm embracing it as a vehicle to relax and get into a positive mindset. And it's working. I think I'm ready for cycle three tomorrow.

I Can Eat!

I'm between the second and third cycles right now and have felt pretty good for the past few days. I have a week now until I get going again, so I'm eating lots of proteins and loving it. Carbs too. During my second cycle I went through one swing from 180 pounds on a Monday down to 169 pounds on a Thursday. It was mostly because I was dehydrated but my doctor didn't believe the results at first. I'm fine right now, but a little intimidated by the third and final cycle. Some people have an easier time, other people have a worse time. There's no way to know, so all I can do is keep a positive attitude.

As far as the election goes, at least the Red Sox won. The electoral map looked the same as last time, so I thought the exit polling results were the most interesting part. My youth at Catholic school taught me a difference between faith and moral values, so I have a tough time accepting the results. But that might be my screwy blue state bias taking over. Positive attitude, positive attitude!